im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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