So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
Randomize
