I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
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