Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
Randomize
