Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
