I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Randomize
