I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
Randomize
