Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
I am full of burrito and curiosity
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
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