Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
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