i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
