It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
Randomize
