my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
smell my finger.
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
