so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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