My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
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