you guys were way drunker than both of me
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
Randomize
