I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
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