why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
Randomize
