If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
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