My liver just broke up with me...
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
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