just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
Randomize
