dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
Randomize
