Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
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