...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
Randomize
