hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
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