Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
