This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
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