Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
