Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
We just shotgunned beers for America
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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