Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
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