she looked like the bat from fern gully.
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize
