O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
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