New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
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