Oh man dude like 1000 to 1500 milligrams. Its gonna burn like bad though.
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Randomize
