Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
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