I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
Randomize
