I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
