Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
Text me some of your sweat
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
Randomize
