I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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