is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
Randomize
