Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
