I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
i think i have two assholes
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
Sex in the backyard? Check.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
Randomize
