My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
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