My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
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