the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
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