last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
Randomize