I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
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