In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
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