sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
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