Well apparently he's into motor boating.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
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