I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
I wonder if u can grow weed on Framville and sell it to Mafia Wars?
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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