I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
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