i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
I looked at my own cervix.
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
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