Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
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