can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd
wasted?
im pocohantasssss
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
Randomize
