of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
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