Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
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