And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
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