and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
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