Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
Randomize
