When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
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