that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
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