Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Randomize
