Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
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