just survived the first fart of the relationship.
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
