kristin has been a bad kristin
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
