My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Randomize
